literally had 100 drinks last night.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
