They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
