is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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