Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
