Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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