i think my tv is drunk
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
