i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
