Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
