You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
