So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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