That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
