i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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