I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
