the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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