When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
