ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Randomize
