apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
