I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
