Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
