So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
