WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
