i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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