dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
