If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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