I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
