i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
