Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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