we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
