i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
