hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He did a backflip because drugs
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
