Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
