he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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