I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
