Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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