Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
