its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize