she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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