.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
