I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So many bounce houses so little time
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
