Fine. I'll sleep in my office
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
