Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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