So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
