I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I smell stomach acid.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
