I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize