So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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