So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
