Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
