I will die if light touches me.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
