butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
