does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So squirting runs in the family.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
