if you like me you must not know who I am
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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