38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize