Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
be right there i have to get my cape
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
