Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
