the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
