you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
