I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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