Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
