honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
