You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
