someone threw a dead crab at me
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
