i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
