i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
