exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
