I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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