i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize