what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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