words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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