from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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