My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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