He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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