Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
