Your dad touched me again.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
