Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
